


Drabbles & Out-takes

by Elaine (LumCheng)



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Anal Sex, Angst, Comedy, Drabbles, Hangover, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Netflix and Chill, Outtakes, PWP, Party, Rain, Rape Aftermath, Romance, Rough Sex, Sad, TWD crossover, baker - Freeform, blackout - Freeform, episode 329, mentions of past rape, prince - Freeform, recovery from abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:08:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24965005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LumCheng/pseuds/Elaine
Summary: A collection of stuff that's too small and random for a seperate fanfic .I'll add more tags as I add chapters.Chap 1: Tianshan pwp (rain) [18+]Chap 2: Tianshan, Jian Yi, the morning after a wild partyChap 3: Tianshan fantasy AU (prince Tian, baker boy Mo)Chap 4: QiuCheng (episode 329 aftermath)Chap 5: ZhanTian | JianMo (rape aftermath)Chap 6: TWD x-over with She Li being a cuntChap 7: Tianshan netflix and chill [18+]Chap 8: He Tian x She Li [18+]
Relationships: He Cheng/Brother Qiu (19 Days), He Tian/Mo Guanshan (19 Days), He Tian/She Li (19 Days), He Tian/Zhan Zhengxi (19 Days), Jian Yi/Mo Guanshan (19 Days)
Comments: 62
Kudos: 307





	1. Tianshan after rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a tianshan sex scene, I had to cut from a fic, I'm currently writing. Hence there is little explanation at the beginning and the ending is kinda sudden.  
> A bit sad, bit romantic, nothing extreme.  
> Enjoy the smut.

_~Guan Shan’s POV~_

I sigh and look up, when I hear the faint hiss of the cigarette he's putting out in the ashtray.  
A moment later, he's in front of me again.  
Our hands touch for a second when he takes the towel from me and blindly puts it over the armrest of the sofa behind him.  
Then his hands are cupping my cheeks and his forehead leans against mine. He has to bend down a little, since he's still taller than me.

Water drips from the hair above my temple, runs down my neck, seeps into my damp T-shirt.  
Without a word he reaches for the hem and attempts to take the wet thing off me. I raise my arms and he pulls it upwards, over my head, and lets it fall to the floor carelessly. 

For a long time we just stare at each other while the rain softly drums against the windowpane outside.

~

Later, everything happens way too fast somehow.

Suddenly his lips are on mine, his hands are everywhere at once and before I can catch a clear thought, he urges me backwards until I can feel the edge of the bed in the hollow of my knees. Unresistantly I sit down on the mattress, before scooting back until I lay in the middle; Tian follows me.

We don't do it often lately, thus it feels all the more strange now. I almost feel like I'm cheating on him. Or as if this would be our first time. Or the last...

There's this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, which I haven't felt in a long while. I'm nervous, my heart is pounding painfully fast and for some strange reason I have a guilty conscience.

His fingertips glide over my upper body, where the skin is still cold and clammy from the rain.

Though Tian continues determinedly, spreading kisses around my belly button and playfully biting into my left hip bone, while his dark fringe tickles my sensitive skin.

I help him taking off my pants and underwear, slightly lifting my pelvis, so he can drag the clothes over my behind and down my legs.

In an instant he's back over me, his knees left and right next to my thighs, his right hand strokes over the side of my body, from my knee up to my chest. His fingertips are gliding over my skin with steady pressure.

I feel uneasy and take a deep breath, trying to force myself to be calm. This whole thing here is strange somehow. Different. But certainly no reason to panic.

Though the noise of his zipper being dragged down interrupts my thoughts and I can hear the rustling of fabric.

With my right hand I run over my face nervously and sit up a bit, leaning onto my elbows behind my back on the mattress.

Tian takes off his pants and doesn't waste any time to lean over me to be able to reach for the nightstand.

It's more out of reflex than out of interest, that I follow his left arm, his hand; watching how he opens the top drawer and blindly picks the first bottle he manages to grab.

Carelessly, he leaves the drawer open and sets the small bottle aside, next to the pillow, before he turns back to me and sits on my thighs.

The tip of his right thumb follows the line of my bottom lip gently.

"I think I told you not to make such a sad face", he whispers and rests his lower arms next to my head on the pillow, then leans in to kiss me.

You never said anything about sad, I think, while one of his hands wanders behind my ear right into my slightly damp hair.

Our tongues briefly meet between our lips, before he pushes mine back and invades my mouth. They're rubbing against each other, one circling the other, almost as if they're dancing.

It doesn't take long and my lips and the corners of my mouth feel wet from all the saliva. My hands stroke over his neck and shoulders, drawing him closer towards me.

He softly bites into my bottom lip, holds onto it with his teeth - though it's too wet and slips out of his grasp a moment later.

With a low gasp, we seperate and Tian sits up a bit, pushes my legs apart with gentle force and settles down between them.

He reaches for the bottle and I can hear the cap snap open.

Absentmindedly my fingertips stroke over his smooth chest and I look at him as good as I'm able to in the semídarkness of this room. Meanwhile my eyes have adjusted to the citylights coming in through the windows and I can see just clear enough to know that I like what I see.

The soft click of the bottle being closed, lets me blink and I pull up my knees a little as he leans forward and places his hands on the mattress, next to my shoulders.

Why can't I shake the feeling off, that this is different than usual?

.

.

.

But it's different indeed.

It hurts and I feel like I can't do anything about it.

This whole thing... it's way too slow, way too intimate, way too intense.

Almost as if he could see right into my head now, suddenly knowing about all my secrets and everything I used to keep from him.

I turn my head to the side, closing my eyes, not willing to look into his' anymore.

If only he'd move faster.

Soon after – as if reading my mind – he pushes my thighs even further up, before he leans onto me with his full body weight, his forehead resting on my shoulder.

I can hear him gasping my name against my collarbone and I know he's still holding back.

His hot, moist breath against my skin sends shivers down my spine.

I wrap my arms around his neck and shoulders, bury my face in the crook of his neck and deeply inhale the scent of his spicey aftershave.

"You don't have to hold back", I can hear myself whispering – and apparently it takes him a moment to comprehend what I try to tell him.

A short, choked laughter escapes his throat, before he seizes my hips with a strong grip, keeping them in place while he drives himself deeper into my body.

It takes quite a while this time, until we both find the same rhythm. I cross my ankles above his tailbone, while rubbing the insides of my thighs along his hips.

Our moaning and labored breathing appears way too loud in this open, spacious room, which still has no decorations or pictures.

Then, all of a sudden, I remember the talk we had in the car and now I know the answer.

"You need me", I gasp, short of breath, and I try to lift my lower body up in the air, because it's still not enough. I need him deeper inside of me, I need his thrusting to be harder, I need to feel him.

My splayed fingers try to hold onto his back to no avail; his skin too slippery, shining with sweat.

"Just as much as you need me", he replies, his words come out hissy and ragged, while his lower body constantly rocks into mine.

My short nails dig into his shoulderblades and I try to hold back my loud moaning, biting my lower lip, feeling how my teeth crack open the sensitive flesh.

I want to draw him closer, as he thrusts into me relentlessly, licking the blood from my lip with a sloppy gesture, then smashing our tongues together. I taste blood. I taste cigarettes. I taste Tian.

The sound of skin smacking against skin, our bodies clashing, the slight burn, the heat, the feeling of almost passing out from strain... all this, inevitably, brings me closer to finish.

My toes curling convulsively, my body shivering, my mouth – open so wide my jaw hurts. Everything is spinning, first it gets dark, then white in front of my inner eye, before everything explodes into millions of galaxies and I start to fall into an endless abyss as my body sinks back onto the bed.

It takes a few more moments for Tian to come as well. I can hear him muttering a continous line of _fuckfuckfuck_ under his breath and dare to open my eyes to look at him.

His lips part in a silent scream of pure ecstasy as he flings back his head and shudders. The dark hair sticks to his temples and forehead, beads of sweat running down his face, and he's so deep inside of me that it hurts.

Languidly, my arms and legs slide down from his back and I lay underneath him, breathing heavy.

He sinks back onto my body, his hot, ragged breath next to my neck, and it takes a long time for us to come down again.

~

I look at his relaxed, sleeping face.

Tian never sleeps facing away from me.

A circumstance that never ceases to amaze me.

Quietly, as to not disturb him, I slip away and withdraw the covers to get up.

I gather my clothes and have to find out that they're not dry yet.

"You leaving already?"

Startled, I turn my head in his direction. Did he just pretend to be asleep?

"Mhm. Get back to sleep, it's still dark."

Lazily he turns around to cast a glance at the display of the digital alarm clock, while I force myself back into the wet, tight blue jeans.

"It's only 4am", he says incredulously and watches me getting dressed.

"So?", I ask, as if it'd be the most ordinary thing to leave your boyfriend's apartment at this hour.

"It's still raining", he suggests next.

With my arms crossed I stand in front of the bed at last and look down on Tian.

"If you don't want me to leave, then ask nicely", I say with a steady voice. "And stop lookin' for lame excuses. That doesn't suit you."

"Who's looking for excuses?", he replies, trying to sound airily. "If you want to go, then please do so. The door is over there."

"Thanks. I know where the door is. Been here before."

But somehow my voice is lacking sarcasm tonight.

I look at him, how he sits there in bed, blanket in his lap, his face in the shadows.

_~end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading it ♥


	2. The morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently there was a wild party at Tian's place. But he can't remember anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was something I started, but can't see myself finishing. If anyone wants to pick it up and continue it - be my guest, lol.
> 
> Warnings: nothing really, bit of comedy, rated T, hungover He Tian, joyful Jian Yi, Mo has a cameo and She Li must've done something unspeakable

The first thing he noticed when he woke up, was the nasty smell of plastic. The type of presumably toxic plastic they always used for children's toys.  
Tian scrunched his nose, opened his eyes and almost jumped out of his skin.

"WOAH!"

He stared straight into the face of a giant inflatable crocodile. One, two heartbeats later he sighed in relief, then his hands jerked up to throw the toy away in an uncoordinated manner. Blinking a few times, he rolled to the side to orientate himself.

"Where am I?", he mumbled, trying to sit up and look around. However only a moment later, a shock of ashblond hair framing a face with the widest smile, appeared in his field of vision.

"In your bed!"

Tian paused for a second before shoving his friend away a little.

"Jian Yi ..." he croaked, only now realizing the dryness of his throat. "What happened? Why does my head feel like it's going to explode?"

The other boy hopped off the bed and almost tripped over the various inflatable beach toys and other junk lying around on the way to the kitchen counter.

"You had more than just a few drinks", he replied cheerfully, getting a glass of water and a couple of pills. "Here, Zhan Xixi said you'll need that."

He handed him both items and sat down on the edge of the bed, watching the hungover teenager stare at the painkillers in the palm of his hand.

It was true, he had a headache. But why was he drinking last night? And why was his whole apartment littered with toys, beach items, empty bottles and half eaten snack packages? What had happened last night? Did he actually have a total blackout?  
He looked up - dark circles under his eyes - and shot Yi a questioning look. Lucky for him, the blond seemed like he was more than ready to answer any questions he might have.

"Where is Zhengxi?"

"He went home. Had to help his mum with something..."

"How many people were here last night?"

"Hmm, us included? Seven. But only you, me and redhead are still—"

"Momo is still here? Where??"

"He locked himself in the upstairs bathroom."

Tian gasped. The water in the glass sloshed over the edge, onto his hand and down onto the sheets as he struggled to get out of the mountain of pillows, blankets and soft toys.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, he's here."

"Ye, but why did he lock himself up in there?!", he growled, finally managing to get up, only to get his right foot caught in a blanket and tripping, almost kissing the hardwood floor goodmorning.

"I suspect he's hiding in shame."

"Yi ...", Tian slowly started to lose his patience. "Just tell me why! WHAT happened last night? And what is all this crap here?"

Yi gaped and stared at him incredulously. "Can you really not remember anything at all? The party last night and how everything got out of control at some point? Especially after She Li showed up?"

A party? And She Li had been here? Tian frowned. What a load of bullshit! Never in a million years would he had agreed to that and let snakeboy into his apartment.  
He tried his hardest to remember anything. But the more he tried, the worse the headache got. Without further ado he tossed the pills into his mouth and drank the whole glass in one go.  
He could feel Yi watching him.

"They all came over. Come on, try to remember."

Tian shook his head slowly, thoughtfully staring at the empty glass in his hand.  
The last thing he could remember from yesterday, was that he had been alone in his apartment, texting with his friends. After that — nothing. He couldn't even remember anyone arriving at his place.  
Brows furrowed, he started patting his pockets, searching for his phone.

"Nightstand", Yi offered helpfully and jerked his chin into the direction of the item in question.

Tian walked over and grabbed it, eager to read the text messages he had been exchanging. However the phone was turned off. Empty battery.  
He turned around with an annoyed sigh, wanting to question Yi further, when he heard a door clap from upstairs, followed by rushed footsteps on the staircase.

"Little Mo?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading it ♥


	3. Tianshan fantasy AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seiji-Amasawa gave a prompt on tumblr, and since two authors gave it a shot now, I decided to try as well ^^;  
> ••The prompt was:  
> Fantasy AU: Prince Tian, the jaw-dropping handsome young man that everyone in the kingdom fawns over, falls for the poor baker apprentice Mo Guan Shan and visits him every day for his pastries. Of course, his castle has his own bakers (finest in the land some say) but like Mo’s buns better 😏. People in the kingdom start to question why the prince is visits this poor baker so often....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we have the whole thing from Tian's POV ;)

With a sour expression, Prince Tian shoved his plate away and reached for the goblet of wine.

"Are you trying to insult my taste buds?!"

The baker took off his bonnet, twisting it in his hands, before lowering his head and taking a step closer.

"By no means, my Prince", he said nervously, sweating already. "If you will pardon my saying so, but all the bakers working in the royal kitchen are the finest throughout the whole kingdom. They're doing their very---"

"Silence!", Prince Tian interrupted him, swaying the red liquid around in the golden cup. "You're giving me a headache. Leave."

"Very well, your majesty."

Sighing, Prince Tian leaned back in his chair and let his gaze wander over all the goods on the long table. He was sick of this food. Every day the same. The bread tasted stale, the cake was boring, the pastries left a greasy film on his tongue and the cookies were so hard, he could use them as canonballs.  
He had sent for the best bakers in the kingdom, but nothing they came up with, could impress him. Nothing was able to sweep him off his feet. It was depressing.  
He downed the rest of the wine in one large gulp and set the goblet on the table.

"I wish to go for a ride!", he announced loudly and stood up.

One of the butlers took a quick bow and hurried away to inform the stable master.  
Prince Tian went back to his chamber and changed into a riding uniform. Not long after, some servants helped him onto his favorite horse and he took off for a long ride - accompanied by only one footman.

They rode over lush meadows, through the deep, dark woods and alongside the yellow wheat-fields, which provided the main ingredient for those baked goods, which caused him so much grief.  
He slowed down his black stallion and fell into a moderate pace. His footman caught up with him.

"Your majesty", he started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Are you feeling thirsty? There is a village right up ahead and I believe the horses will appreciate a small break."

Prince Tian turned his head and realized that, yes, he was pretty thirsty after the long ride.

"Fine", he said. "We will stop at that village."

As they approached the small village, the habitants working on the fields and in the gardens, paused their work and stared at him, some even started whispering. They recognized their Prince and wondered what he was doing in their modest little village.  
When they reached the well in the center, Prince Tian hopped off his horse and tried to ignore all the women and girls, giving him admiring looks. He was used to it, he knew he was good looking.

Handing the reins of his horse to his servant, Prince Tian took a quick look around to locate the inn. He was slowly approaching it, taking off his dark leather gloves, when he suddenly came to a halt, turning his head. He couldn't help but notice the most enticing smell in the air.  
Forgotten was his thirst and his feet changed their direction automatically as he was quickly approaching the small bakery.  
The front door was open and he entered without even knocking, ducking his head to avoid hitting his forehead on the wooden beam.

"Hello?", he shouted and glanced over the interior. A bit primitive, but clean.

"One moment, lad", the old baker huffed from an adjacent room.

A few moments later, a small, chunky man with a friendly smile appeared around the corner.

"What can I do you for?"

Prince Tian stepped closer, smiling at him as well and gestured around vaguely. "What are you baking?", he asked. "It smells quite divine."

The man's eyes went big when he realized who just set foot into his humble bakery. He quickly lowered his gaze and bowed, stuttering: "M-my Prince, I had no idea... please accept my deepest apologies---"

"It's fine, it's fine", Prince Tian conciliated him and waved his gloves. "But tell me now what is this alluring smell? I'm getting quite hungry."

"Oh, it's just the apprentice, my Prince. He's just made some buns and they're ready to come out of the oven. Would you like some?"

"Please."

Without hesitation, Prince Tian followed the old man into the next room, where a young boy with short, red hair operated a long wooden spatula to take freshly baked buns out of a large brick oven.

"Guan Shan!", the baker said with excitement. "Your majesty is here and would like to have a taste of your buns."

The boy turned around and leaned onto the handle of the spatula, while his eyes scanned the dark-haired intruder.  
Prince Tian looked at him expectantly. "Well?", he asked and gave his lips an unconscious lick.  
The baker boy nodded slowly and grabbed one of the small buns he'd taken out moments ago.

"Careful", he said, while handing it over. "They're still hot."

The high temperature didn't seem to bother him though.  
Eagerly Prince Tian reached for the bun, ended up almost burning his fingers, despite the warning, and tucked his gloves under the dark belt of his blue riding uniform.  
He cracked the bun open, lifting it up, smelling it. The outside was golden and crunchy. The inside fluffy and steaming hot. He could feel his mouth water and wasted no time blowing onto one of the halves to cool it down a bit.  
At last, he took a bite.  
He chewed, closed his eyes, the other two staring at him with furrowed brows.  
Prince Tian hummed in appreciation.  
That was it. This was a bun worth eating.  
Swallowing, he opened his eyes and looked directly at the redhead.

"Did you make these?"

Guan Shan had a wary look on his face. "...yes."

"Your majesty!", the old baker hissed in a low voice, nudging his apprentice, because he was being disrespectul to their ruler.

"It's fine", Prince Tian repeated for the second time and huffed out a laugh. What a feisty little redhead.

"They're good", he continued. "I take one dozen!"

The old baker took a bow. "Thank you, my Prince. We're honored our humble buns are to your liking."

The following weeks, Prince Tian went out for a ride every day. He'd stop by the small village, visit the bakery and would buy only buns and bread, which were made by the baker's apprentice.  
The boy never said much, never bowed and groveled in front of him. Prince Tian found this attitude refreshing and his royal household found the whole situation rather peculiar.

"Your majesty", his valet spoke up one morning, when he helped Prince Tian into the black jacket of one of his riding uniforms. "Why don't you ask the boy to come to the castle and start working here? Surely it must be inconvenient to take the long ride every day?"

"Not at all", the prince replied and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He actually enjoyed the time he spent on horseback, but more so he enjoyed the few moments he could spend with the baker boy every day.

Would it be weird to visit the kitchen every day, if the redhead would start working here? It would probably start more rumors and speculations.  
But then again, having Guan Shan here in the castle would also mean, they could see each other whenever they wanted.  
Prince Tian smoothed out the front of his jacket and asked himself, why all of this was suddenly about them seeing each other, rather than him enjoying the freshly baked bread.

Could it be that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach afterall?

_~end_

Find the other 2 fics on tumblr [here](https://tianshanallthetime.tumblr.com/post/624273295132459009/fantasy-au-prince-tian-the-jaw-dropping-handsome) and [here](https://seiji-amasawa.tumblr.com/post/624286704760668160/my-quick-little-rendition-of-tianshanallthetimes).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ^^  
> I know it's a bit silly, but I wrote this in very little time, just for shits and giggles XD~


	4. QiuCheng (episode 329 aftermath)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really short and idk... I just wanted to get this out of my system ^^;

"I can't believe it", Cheng snarled for the third time.

He was pacing, hands on his hips, shoulders broad, his face distorted into an ugly grimace.  
Qiu averted his gaze as he stood by the window, leaning against the windowsill with his behind, hands resting on the edge next to his body, his feet shuffling uncomfortably on the floor.

"What were you _thinking_?!"

"Well", Qiu started, "I was just waiting for them by the car, I assumed they'd—"

"Assume!", Cheng echoed and stopped in his tracks to glare at him.

"I'm not paying you to _assume_!", he snubbed him.

"Oh, so this is about payment then?! Just take it out of my damn paycheck then", Qiu snapped back and instantly regretted his tone, when the older He brother stepped closer. His aura was menacing.

"Are you fucking stupid?", Cheng asked, sounding incredulous. "This is about He Tian, lying in hospital with three broken ribs, a twisted ankle and a fucking shoulder that had to be popped back into place! All thanks to your negligence."

"I'm not a fucking babysitter, alright?" Qiu lifted his chin in an attempt to show him that he wasn't afraid. "These brats do whatever they fucking want, they never listen to anything I say anyway and constantly try to sneak away."

"One of these so-called ' _brats_ ' is my baby brother, who is - if I may remind you - the most important person in this fucking world to me! If I would've lost him.... I swear down, A-Qiu...!"

Qiu's fingers gripped the edge of the windowsill harder, knuckles turning white.  
He knew that. He knew all of that. He had fucked up and he regretted it bitterly.  
He took a deep breath and really craved a cigarette right now.

"Godammit, A-Qiu. I can't... I can't lose him. Ever."

Qiu gritted his teeth and finally pushed away from the window. He took two steps, until he was directly in front of Cheng. His right arm went up and snaked over his shoulder, his hand clutching the back of his neck. He bent forward a little and leaned their foreheads together.

"I know", he mumbled, because really - he understood. And he was sorry. He wished he could make it undone. Or trade places with He Tian, if that would make Cheng feel better about the whole situation.  
The older one didn't fight the touch. His shoulders relaxed and his hands slid down his sides.

"Fuck", he breathed out and closed his eyes.

Qiu didn't let go. "He will be alright", he assured him. "You raised him... he's a tough little cookie. It'll be okay."

Cheng nodded slightly before pulling away. Qiu losened his grip, letting him slip away.

"Right", Cheng said, appearing to have calmed down. He turned around and proceeded to leave their bedroom.  
When he reached the door, he turned around one last time, hand already on the doorknob.

"This isn't over yet." His voice sounded neutral, while he eyeballed his boyfriend. "As soon as he gets released from the hospital, you'll pay for this with your ass."

Qiu didn't say anything and just watched him leave.  
He knew what that meant. And honestly - Cheng let him off pretty easy this way.  
Wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, Qiu turned around and scanned the room for a pack of Dunhill.  
He really, _really_ needed that cigarette now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ^^  
> If you want something more raunchy, let me know and I'll cook smth up~


	5. Prompt: Mo x Jian // He x Zhan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last night I decided to take some prompts for some very short drabbles on insta and now I'll be posting them over the next few days.  
> The prompt for this chapter came from **fluffytutu05** and it was:  
>  **Mo x Jian | He x Zhan**
> 
> Now, I switched the canon pairings up, but the reason is rather grim. This drabble has mentions of past rape and basically just deals with the aftermath of it from Jian Yi's and Zhengxi's POV.  
> So be warned and please don't read it, if these themes upset you.

**Jian Yi**

Sometimes, when I look at him, I wonder if he will ever talk about it. Not necessarily with me - though I'd definitely appreciate this level of trust - but with anyone really.

I can see that even to this day, five years later, it still affects him and I fear he will never be able to let it go. I don't think that any of our friends or any of the other students on campus know about this or that anyone thinks that Guanshan sometimes acts weird. But to me it's clear... I know. I can see the signs. I notice when he's just sitting there on the couch, at his desk, in the kitchen... staring into space. And I know it's not just daydreaming or being exhausted. He remembers.

Guanshan still thinks about that one fateful night that changed all of our lives. But mostly his' and He Tian's of course. Zhengxi and I were mere bystanders. People standing on the sidelines, watching in horror, not being able to do anything really. Offering comfort which was unwanted at that point.  
I wonder if He Tian talks about it with Zhengxi. Would He Tian open up to him? Zhengxi and I have barely talked in the past few years.

Guanshan hasn't talked to He Tian since that night and he never will. I know that much.  
Some things can't be forgiven. And that's okay. I don't know if I would've been able to forgive Zhengxi for such a crime, but surely it would be healthy to try and let it go, so it won't affect you for the rest of your life. We all need to move on at some point.

I look at Guanshan how he drains the noodles and lingers a second too long by the sink before proceeding with the meal.  
It's wednesday night - his turn to cook. We like those nights better, even if I really got better at cooking within the past two years. But his way of seasoning and preparing ingredients is second to none.  
I walk over and step next to him, carefully wrapping an arm around his shoulder while he handles the wok.

"Smells great", I say and press my nose into his cheek for a moment.

He tenses up for a second.  
I let go.  
Guanshan's skin is so soft and I love hugging him and feeling him under my fingertips.  
Yet he rarely allows it and I can't blame him for that.  
Did I forgive He Tian for what he did? I honestly don't know. Also it's probably not on me to do this either.

"Set up the table", he says and adds the drained noodles to the vegetables and meat. "It's almost ready."

I laugh and try to lighten the mood. "Right away, chef!"

"Stop being silly."

I can practically _hear_ how he rolls his eyes at my comment but there's also a hint of amusement in his voice.  
I bring out the plates, he loads them with stirfry.  
We eat, we wash up, we sit on the couch, we watch a movie.  
It's late and I get sleepy. My head is on his chest, his arm around my shoulders.  
When I put my hand on his thigh, Guanshan doesn't react. I lift my face and he looks back at me.  
We kiss.

There's always a bittersweet sorrow in Guanshan's kisses which is unlike to anything I've ever experienced before. It was never like this with Zhengxi.  
I feel bad for comparing the two and try to empty my head and just enjoy the moment.  
I crawl in his lap, straddle his thighs, my arms on his shoulders, hands lazily dangling from the backrest of the couch behind his head.  
Guanshan's hands are on my waist, one of them sliding down to cup my ass cheek. I smile against his lips.

"When do you have to get up tomorrow?", I whisper.

He leans back a little, the blue light of the TV makes his red eyes look kind of purple.  
Both his hands rest comfortably on my behind now, I can feel his thumbs tracing the outline of the back pockets of my jeans.

"Eight", he says slowly and shifts a little under me.

I nod. "So your first lecture is at nine? Mine too..."

His eyes are on my lips and I lean in to resume the kiss from earlier.  
Looks like this is one of those nights when he's okay with it.  
I'm not complaining. This is rare. I intend to savor it and make him forget for a while.  
_We will be okay_ , I keep telling myself. One day he'll be able to put all of this behind.  
Hopefully.

**Zhan Zhengxi**

When I return from the kitchen, two cold beers in my hands, He Tian is crying.  
We've just had sex, fucking each other mere minutes ago, everything was great, we had fun, we laughed. And then I leave the room for one or two minutes and when I come back, he's crying.  
His body is curled into a ball in the middle of the bed, shoulders trembling, face pressed into a pillow, knuckles white from grabbing fistfuls of sheets and pulling on them.  
The choked sounds slipping out of his throat are as ugly as they're heartwrenching.

He Tian doesn't cry often. In fact, I've never seen it before _that_ one night many years ago. The night that changed everything. Changed all of us.

I stand there for a moment, frozen in place, looking at the sobbing mess in horror.  
Even though I've seen it a couple of times now over the past five years, it still feels like something I'm not supposed to see.  
With an awkward gesture I put the bottles on the nightstand and finally sit down at the edge of the bed before placing one hand onto He Tian's back. I just leave it there, letting him feel that I'm here and silently offering my support.

I know exactly what this is about. There is only one reason that could make He Tianc cry.  
Bitter regret for his past mistakes. Hurting the person you love most in the world surely leaves a mark which can never be erased.  
But he did it. And he is the one who has to live with the consequences of his actions.  
By now, I've forgiven He Tian. I'm not sure about Jian Yi. I definitely know that Guanshan will never forgive him. And He Tian himself? Probably the same as Guanshan. He will never be able to forgive himself.

At first I was afraid it would leave them both broken beyond repair, but Jian Yi and I decided that we can't let this happen. At some point we agreed that this is more important than the two of us. They needed us more than ever. If none of us would take care of them, they would've been completely destroyed by this. Shattered like glass during an explosion.  
Guanshan needed Jian Yi and He Tian... didn't need me but I can be very persistent if need be. Eventually he had accepted it. Afterall he needed _someone_ and I was determined for this someone to be me.

As time went by and things became a little easier, I was sure that we can all live through this. One step at a time. None of them would take their own life, which was a big worry in the beginning.  
I couldn't even begin to understand what it must've been like to be in either one's skin. Especially after seeing He Tian's apartment the morning after the incident.  
I still remember the moment when He Tian had called me that night. It was from his phone, inside his car, on the way to the hospital, Guanshan in the backseat. I could barely make sense of his words back then. His voice unusually shrill with panic, words a jambled mess, mixed with chokes and sobs.

Similar to what I'm hearing right now.  
I scoot a little closer and start running my palm up and down his naked back.  
Do I feel sympathy for a guy who raped his best friend and drove him straight to the hospital afterwards? Who made me get rid of bloodstained bed sheets for him? Who made me promise to not disclose any details to Jian Yi or anyone else for that matter?  
Maybe. It's hard to be the judge if you're somewhat involved and don't have the same level of distance as a viewer who watches the horrible news on TV.

I have forgiven him. For me, that was necessary in order to move on. But of course that doesn't mean I support his actions.  
I often wish that the two of them would meet up and talk through it - maybe, just maybe, it would help them to move on. But I know this will never happen.  
Guanshan had made it clear that he never wants to see He Tian ever again. And if He Tian only has an ounce of respect left for him, he will not try to contact Guanshan and leave him alone.

He Tian starts to shift and moves closer, his wet face presses into my thigh, tears and snot wetting my skin.  
My other hand strokes his dark hair and I wait for the aftershocks running through his body to die down. I'm not really good at comforting people, but I'm usually calm and I found that this helps people to relax as well.

After what feels like an hour or five, He Tian has calmed down and eventually he sits up slowly, looking at me with red-rimmed eyes and a face that - despite that ordeal - still looks scandalously beautiful. That bastard.

"You look like shit", I lie and offer him the tiniest smile.

He Tian wipes the back of his hand under his nose and says nothing.

"You wanna talk about it?"

He Tian's eyes narrow and he reaches behind himself to pull up the waistband of his boxerbriefs.

"No", he finally says and then stops as if he's thinking about it. "Not really... but..."

I lean to the side to grab the beer which is warm by now and probably not very nice anymore. Still I offer him a bottle and he takes it, frowning.

"Let me exchange these for some cold ones", he suggests and takes the other beer from me as well.

He holds both bottle necks with one hand while sliding off the bed and reaching for the drawer of his nightstand.  
My eyes follow his movements with mild interest and I swear that he just stands there for a whole minute, looking into the drawer, before he finally takes out a white piece of paper, folded in half.

He Tian turns around and offers it to me.  
Hesitantly I take it from him. It's a letter. From Guanshan.  
It's as if a lightning bolt is shooting through my body and I let go of the unfolded paper as if I had burned my fingers. It gently falls down onto the mattress.  
I stare at the letter, then at He Tian and he huffs out an unamused laugh.

"Scared?", he asks and walks around the bed. "I was, too, before I read it for the first time..."

Something in his voice suggests that he must've read it hundreds of times ever since.

"Jian Yi gave me this after they've discharged... _him_ from the hospital", He Tian explains and I know that he hasn't said his name in five years.

He walks towards the door. "Read it."

I stare at the door after he'd closed it behind himself and try to swallow the hot and heavy knot that's blocking my throat.  
Okay. So He Tian will finally talk about it. With me.  
I avert my gaze down to the letter and pick it up with trembling hands to read what Guanshan's last words to He Tian had been.  
To the person he'd learned to trust only to be betrayed in the most horrible way imaginable...

  
_~end_


	6. Prompt: TWD crossover, She Li being a cunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This prompt came from **plumb19:  
>  do a walking dead one with she li being a cunt**  
> Very well then XD Obviously it was inspired by her awesome TWD/19Days Crossover comic, which you can read [here](https://plumb19.tumblr.com/post/632982581270511616/) and [here](https://plumb19.tumblr.com/post/634486488693948416/). I recommend checking it out before reading, it'll make more sense this way XD  
> Thank you, Emma ♥

They shouldn't have come here.  
Guanshan knows it had been a mistake. Yet nobody had taken him seriously when he had voiced his concerns.  
And now here they are. Face to face with someone they never expected to see again.

There is an ugly scar on She Li's throat. It's of an angry red color with jagged edges and dark scab, telling the tale of a long, painful healing process which isn't finished yet.

None of them says a word as they stand under the roof of the open barn, next to a rundown farm building.  
She Li sits on a haystack - _like on a damn throne_ , Guanshan thinks furiously - and his yellow eyes wander from Zhengxi to Jian Yi, He Tian and finally land on the redhead. Lingering.  
For a brief moment, Guanshan wonders what his voice might sound like after He Tian had slit his throat four months ago, when they had left him for dead, bleeding out in front of an approaching horde.  
How on earth had he been able to survive that?

She Li still doesn't say anything and it's unnerving, especially when over a dozen of his underlings slowly start to crowd around the small group of friends.  
Guanshan shoots He Tian a look but the taller one merely shakes his head and casually rests the barrel of his shotgun on his right shoulder, finger losely around the trigger.

"I wanna rub a big, fat ' _I told you so_ ' right into your damn face", Guanshan mumbles, voice low so that only He Tian can hear him. "Why you never listen to my gut instincts?!"

"If we make it out of here unharmed, I'll give you an apology-blowjob", He Tian whispers back and Guanshan can only glare at gim.

How can He Tian joke around in this situation?  
He turns back to face She Li while using the end of his baseball bat to scratch a point at the side of his head.  
A small boy - ten years of age at most, skinny, dark hair, pale - steps next to She Li and then something happens that leaves all for of them staring at the gang leader with unbelieving eyes.  
She Li lifts his arms and moves his hands in front of his mouth, small gestures, accompanied by the soundless movement of his lips and tongue.

He can't talk.  
That bastard lost his voice!  
An evil grin spreads on Guanshan's face and his eyes make him look almost insane as he can barely hold back the laughter.  
_Serves him right!_ , he thinks wildly and takes a step towards She Li when the young boy nods and faces the small group.

"She Li demands to know what you want and why you entered his territory."

"His territory?!", Guanshan blurts out with a voice cracking from both fury and pure joy.

Quickly Jian Yi raises his voice in an attempt to smooth out the situation. "We heard there is someone here who trades. That's all we came for. We didn't know it was you. We're not holding a grudge, we didn't come looking for trouble."

Though when one of She Li's boys reaches for the sniper rifle on Zhengxi's back, Jian Yi spins around immediately, his hand flying to the tsuka of his katana, pulling it a few centimeters out of its sheath.

"Keep your fingers to yourself if you don't want to lose them!", he hisses, no longer trying to sound reasonable and diplomatic.

He Tian cocks the slide of his pumpgun with a loud clicking sound, pointing it at She Li.

"Tell them to back off", he says calmly, eyes narrowed.

She Li considers him for a moment, then waves his hand as if shooing away an annoying fly and his underlings retreat a little, giving the other four more room.  
He signs to the boy next to him before leaning forward and resting his arms on his thighs.

"She Li says he won't do business with you. But if you leave your car and your weapons here, he won't harm you and you're free to go. The redhead however... has to stay."

Jian Yi opens his mouth with an angry gasp but He Tian steps in front of him before the blond can say anything.

"Are you stupid?", he asks, sounding absolutely incredulous. "I can shoot you right here, right now. You'd be dead before your body hits the floor."

The boy answers without looking at She Li who remains still.

"If you shoot him, the others will shoot you and none of you will make it out of here alive", he says. "Either you leave him all of your supplies, including your friend, or all four of you will die today. This offer is non-negotiable."

_~tbc?_


	7. Prompt: tianshan, netflix and chill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This prompt came from **teanshan:  
>  tianshan netflix and chill**  
> Thanks - and sorry if I chose the wrong meaning, lol.  
> This is nsfw, but nothing really happens either ^^;

_'Let's Netflix and chill'_ , is what He Tian had said and Guanshan knew it had nothing to do with sitting on the couch and watching a movie or five more episodes of a generic show - even though it had started out like that, of course.  
It always does.  
For a whole of eight minutes this time.  
Now He Tian lifts him onto the couch table and gets down on his knees. He has already unwrapped him like an early Christmas present, slung his pants and socks across the room.

It's a freezing cold day, grey clouds and storm, rain drumming against the big windows. The north wind lashes the drops against the glass with uninhibited ferocity.  
Inside the apartment it's warm and cozy. A whole different world.

"Let's see what I've got myself into", He Tian says, parting Guanshan's knees. His cock is almost level with his gaze - he angles him slightly and then he can see every bit of Guanshan.  
His spread thighs draw his view towards their meeting point.  
His hair is trimmed down there, too short to catch between his fingers. A bootcamp of a haircut, like a soldier.

Guanshan is thinking of something to say, his fingers clamped around the edge of the table.

"Are you happy?", he asks. "Because sometimes I think that you aren't."

"I'm happy when I'm with you", He Tian replies. "Isn't that enough?"

He takes in the shape of his cock, eyes roaming over the shaft, the veins under the smooth skin, the glans. Slightly rosy in color, the tiny hole at the tip wet with precum.  
He Tian knows all the scientific names for every part of the dick. He remembers them from blogs he'd read on the internet when he was younger. Giggling to himself like the unexperienced boy he was.  
He also remembers how startling it was to discover the differences between the illustrations and the subject in the flesh. The unexpected texture, the unmentioned musky smell...

"I don't know. Is it?"

Guanshan glances at him. He's waiting.

He Tian sighs. "How could I be happy all the time? It's not possible. Sometimes I feel guilty, sometimes I feel ashamed. But it's not you who makes me feel those things. Don't ever think that. You fill me with some kind of... exaltation."

Guanshan stares at him.

"Wow", he says after a while, running one hand over his face.

"Sorry." He Tian laughs. "Too cheesy? Did I kill the mood?"

Guanshan shakes his head, lifts one leg to rest his calf on He Tian's shoulder, offering him access to even more intimate areas of his body.  
He Tian leans in, puts his face right into his crotch. The short wiry hair scratching against his cheek while he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He smells the showergel Guanshan had used in an effort to cover his natural scent. But it's still there, stunningly strong this close, yet undetectable when He Tian sits back on his haunches.

He doesn't take his eyes or hands off Guanshan when he says: "Every morning I wake up and I get excited thinking about you. I leave the bed and my feet don't touch the ground."

Guanshan laughs, his feet swing.  
He Tian wraps a hand around his half-hard cock, gives it an experimental tug. Feels the skin sliding over the flesh with ease.

"It's ridiculous really", he mumbles. "I want to tell everybody about you. About us. When I meet a stranger on the street, I want to walk up to them and say _'Hey, there's this guy I know'_. Sometimes I want to scream it out into the world. I feel as if I'm fifteen years old again. As happy as an idiot. Because of you."

Guanshan looks at him in amazement.  
He feels in a similar way but doesn't know how to put it into words.

"Whatever it is I had been searching for my whole life", he tries, "I think I've found it in you. It's like... like a happy ending."

He Tian smiles.

"This is not the end", he says. "It's the beginning."


	8. Prompt: He Tian x She Li

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's another prompt, this time from the lovely **mitarashiko:  
>  He Tian x She Li**  
> Thanks, hun ♥  
> So remembering all my hatesex-discussions about this pairing, have this now~

She Li can't remember anymore how it started - or when. But he knows when it ended.

It was that night when they rented a shitty hotel room in Fuyang and fucked on stained sheets while dozens of bugs scurried from beneath the bed.  
He remembers everything in vivid detail. He just needs to close his eyes and it's all there. Like watching your favorite movie over and over again. Only that this one doesn't have a happy ending unlike most others.

He remembers the way He Tian had smelled, the way his body had felt pressed against his own, the way his voice had sounded. It still sends shivers down his spine as he lies there and closes his eyes, seeing the scene in front of his inner eye, surrounded by colorful galaxies in a sea of grey storms.

He lies there, spent and lonely. His still swollen cock trapped between his abdomen and the rough, scratchy carpet.  
Breathing is hard, his head hurts. Every inhale feels like a hammer pounding into his skull. Every exhale sends millions of needles up his throat.  
His once silver and shiney hair — unwashed and disheveled.  
His once fierce and yellow eyes — dull and lackluster behind his eyelids.

His mind wanders, his glowing ghost body slipping into the scene. He's right there again.

"Harder, fuck me harder!", He Tian demands and wraps his long legs around She Li's waist, squeezing, "Harder – shit!"

The headboard bangs against the wall, frame creaking, and it still isn't enough. She Li watches He Tian as he jacks himself off, watches those large hands fist his cock, twisting the head so the slit pulls back, leaking precum, watches the fast sliding and pulling and yanking.

She Li can't hold back any longer — he comes in a violent burst. Eyes squeezed shut like he's in pain. He tears off the condom and doesn't bother knotting it, throwing it aside. He collapses to the bed, next to He Tian, shivering with aftershocks.  
He Tian swears and grabs a fistful of silver hair. Pushes his head down to his lap, snarls, "Damn it, She Li, suck me off!"

There's no strength left in his arms and his legs are quivering but he does it anyway, buries his face in He Tian's thigh and licks at the underside of his dick, feels like a loser for coming too soon.

He Tian's fingers maintain a strong grip on his hair, pulling at the roots, making his scalp hurt and tingle. He drags his head up and down, up and down.  
She Li folds his lips over his teeth and lets He Tian fuck his mouth, running his tongue along the shaft, gagging when he shoves his head down too hard, knocking the air out of his lungs.

It seems like forever before it ends. Before He Tian moans as he comes, muffled — bottom lip caught between white teeth — thighs taut and straining under smooth perfect skin, pressing his face so hard into his crotch that he can't breathe anymore.  
He wants to catch some air, doesn't want to swallow. He panics.  
When He Tian lets go, She Li throws his head back, coughing, cum invading his mouth, getting stuck in the back of his throat between mouth and nose. It stings when it hits the mucous membrane, washing down his nose. He chokes under labored breathing.

Annoyed, He Tian shoves him away and gets up to put his pants back on. He says: "Fuck this!"

In the bathroom, She Li throws up semen mixed with saliva mixed with toothpaste mixed with acid mixed with nothing.  
He stares at his reflection with the red rimmed eyes and chapped lips and wonders if that's really him in the mirror...

The door slams as He Tian leaves and She Li is left in silence.

His body starts floating.

.  
.  
.

Has it really been half a year already?  
No.  
Five months, seventeen days and two hours. He isn't sure about the minutes.  
He Tian is with _him_ now. He finally got what he wanted.  
And She Li can't have either of them.

Someone is laughing and it takes him a moment to realize that it's him.  
He rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, cackling like a hyena, tears streaming out of the corners of his eyes, seeping into the greasy hair at his temples.  
His lips spread with an insane attempt of a smile. Canines flashing. Wild and feral.

"You fucker!", he screeches. His voice breaks. "Come back...", merely a whisper.

He closes his eyes once more. Rewinds the tape in his head. Right to the point where he starts fucking into him.  
He Tian. Sleek and flawless like a priceless work of art.  
A walking, talking incarnation of desire. Beautiful and lithesome as a black panther — and just as dangerous.

She Li's mouth opens in a silent gasp at the memory.  
It's all he has left. The memories. And the silence surrounding him like a dark blanket.


End file.
